Satandez


My First Interview Ever: AFI
September 10, 2008, 5:42 am
Filed under: Uncategorized


Charlyne Yi interview. Who’s that? She’s like R. Kelly.
September 10, 2008, 5:01 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

 

 

Can I ask you some questions?

Sure, as long as it’s not a rude or offensive or intruding interview. Ask away.

What’s your deal with the phone? Are you just extra-awkward on the phone?

I don’t like talking on the phone. it’s difficult talking. Plus i got prank called not too long ago and that was even worser. Yeah, I just really suck at talking to people in general. I get extremely nervous but try act like I’m not. On phone and in person. Random fact: My parents used to ground me to play outside because I was afraid of people.

So I have to eat dinner with my mom in a few minutes, but anyway, I asked you about Sacramento before. Have you ever been here?

No. Where is it? No? Ok. Fine…. We’ll just sit here.

You’ve been compared to Andy Kaufman. Bet you didn’t see that one coming (or did you?).

I didn’t.

Do you like that people compare you to Andy Kaufman?

I don’t know. Doesn’t make me angry me or happy. I don’t feel anything … anymore. I’m so numb. I feel empty inside. I suppose I’ve stayed in this business much too long. This tie, and goddamn suit. Look at me. I’m practically a slave to the man. No… a robot.
Um … I think people compare others because they don’t know how to define or describe them. I’ve been compared to Carrot Top because I use props sometimes but I think we’re nothing alike. I’ve also been compared to Woody Allen, who I think I am nothing alike aside from glasses and sometimes being nervous. But I don’t tell jokes like him.

Do you ever punch girls?

I don’t think he ever punched a girl. It was funny that he wrestled them though.
I would never hit a girl and tell. I’m a gentlemen.

Did you really start performing at AA meetings?

I grew up in Fontana California and there’s only one comedy club nearby, The Ontario Improv Club. They didn’t like the things I performed very much and wouldn’t let me perform there. So the places that actually held comedy shows were at places such as bars, breweries, hookah lounges, and AA meetings. So to answer that question, yes. In the beginning I performed at places such as AA meetings.

Do you recommend that?

Well, when I first got booked on the show I didn’t even know it took place at that type of venue. It was surprising because I didn’t even know what I walked into until somebody told me. I had only heard about AA meetings and things like that through the movie Fight Club. Regardless to where I was performing, I actually had a blast. My second time performing there wasn’t so nice. I got heckled. But I say, perform wherever you can as long as it’s safe. People are people. Just because it’s at an AA meeting doesn’t mean that they don’t like to laugh or have fun.

In your videos, people seem like they’re really nice to you. If I tried that, I think they would dislike me intensely. Do you find that being small endears you to people? Or is it charm?

No people aren’t always nice to me. A guy wanted to beat me up while I was filming “Man on the Street.” But I really didn’t mean to disrespect him; I didn’t even touch him; I was choking and laughing and then he threatened me for looking at him and said he would break my camera and my face. I think he was crazy. Or really thought I was annoying. I just don’t put that type of things in the videos I make. Also, one time at a show, I asked an audience member, “You would never hurt me right?” “Actually I would,” he replied. It threw me off. I started to cry on the stage into the microphone and asked him why he hated me. The tears went into microphone chord and I got electrocuted and died… later in my life when I got old. It’s weird how people can be so mean and scary.

I never died like you did, but some robbers broke into my house, took my turntables and hit me over the head with my skateboard once. I was in the hospital for a week with a fractured skull and they gave me morphine. The question is, would you ever try heroin?
No. I don’t do drugs.

 

Wait, I have more, better questions, but I seriously have to go eat with my mom.

Ok let me know if you have any other questions. I’m hungry too.

I just had really good Mexican food. What did you eat when we just took our little break?

None of your business.

I am half-Mexican. What are you half of?

Legs. And other stuff.

Who is your hero?

William Wallace and Dr. Sam Beckett

If you could go back in time, what would you do?

Have fun

Do you ever get love letters?

Not love letters. Maybe like letters.

Tell me the best thing about the world.

Adventures.

Tell me the worst thing about the world.

Bad guys. Poison. Sweet potatoes.

I’m bored when people tell me about their dreams. What are you bored of?I’m one of those people who tell people about my dreams.
I’m not bored. I’m fine.

Sorry, I just realized that you’re from Fontana and my friend Leo from Redlands always gets drunk and tells me about how his football team got in this big beefy brawl with Fontana and they kicked everyone’s ass. It’s one of the most boring stories ever told. Then Leo stole my girlfriend and now they live in a house in San Francisco. I forgot where this was going. Sorry.

I’m not going to respond to your last comment. It’s not a question.



Uncanny, right?
September 10, 2008, 2:05 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

 

This is the hideous woman from the haircutting reality shows. She’s half beast, half glamourous hairstylist to the stars.

This is Eddie. He’s the mascot of Iron Maiden. He’s pretty much all beast.

Hey, how come bands don’t have mascots anymore?

How much better is Iron Maiden than Bloc Party?

Or even the Killers?

What would Block Party’s mascot be? Probably a cock.

 

Oh yeah, the point. They look alike, no?